Quote of the Day (2012-12-31)

Mrs. Griffith: I'm the guidance counselor; I should know all the students, especially the ones that dress like prostitutes.

Source: Easy A

Quote of the Day (2012-12-30)

I feel happy... I feel happy. [whop]

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-12-29)

[Bart is faking illness to get out of a test he hasn't prepared for]

Bart: Ohhhh, my ovaries.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-12-28)

Jerry: "I thought you said people dressed up when they go to the opera?"

Kramer: "People do. I don't."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-12-27)

Phil: You fall in love with this extraordinary person, and over time they start to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.

Source: Modern Family

Quote of the Day (2012-12-26)

And I want his only daughter to look upon me... as her own dad -- in a very real, and legally binding sense.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-12-25)

[Ralph and Norton are about to go to bed together when Ralph shows Norton a toothbrush]

Ralph Kramden: Norton?

Ed Norton: What?

Ralph Kramden: Did you use my toothbrush?

Ed Norton: I dunno.

Ralph Kramden: What do you mean you don't know?

Ed Norton: Well, you got a red toothbrush and I got a red toothbrush. They was layin' side by side and I didn't know which was which, so I just went, "Eeeny, meeny, miney, mo."

Ralph Kramden: [holds up toothbrush] Is this Mo?

Ed Norton: [looks at toothbrush] Yep, that's Mo all right.

Ralph Kramden: Well, for your information, Mo happens to be *my* toothbrush.

Ed Norton: Oh, I was wonderin' why there was somethin' familiar about Miney.

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2012-12-23)

Peter Joshua: Is there a Mr. Lampert?

Reggie Lampert: Yes.

Peter Joshua: Good for you.

Reggie Lampert: No it isn't, I'm getting a divorce.

Peter Joshua: Please! Not on my account.

Source: Charade

Quote of the Day (2012-12-20)

Kid #3: My Mommy says smoking kills.

Nick Naylor: Oh, is your Mommy a doctor?

Kid #3: No.

Nick Naylor: A scientific researcher of some kind?

Kid #3: No.

Nick Naylor: Well then she's hardly a credible expert, is she?

Source: Thank You For Smoking

Quote of the Day (2012-12-19)

[Nigel, introducing the Stonehenge theme concert]

Nigel Tufnel: In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing..

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2012-12-18)

"It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will appreciate it. And I'm not going to dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-12-17)

Narrator: I had it all. Even the glass dishes with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of... wherever.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2012-12-16)

"Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat... It's often wrong."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-12-15)

Sir Humphrey: "Hello Bernard, I hear the Prime Minister wants to see me?"

Bernard Woolley: "Yes, Sir Humphrey."

Sir Humphrey: "What's his problem?"

Bernard Woolley: "Education."

Sir Humphrey: "Well, it's a bit late to do anything about that now."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-12-14)

Ilsa: A franc for your thoughts.

Rick: In America they'd bring only a penny, and, huh, I guess that's about all they're worth.

Source: Casablanca

Quote of the Day (2012-12-13)

Mac MacGuff: Thanks for having me and my irresponsible child over your house.

Source: Juno

Quote of the Day (2012-12-12)

Clouseau: Does your dog bite?

Hotel Clerk: No.

Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.

[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]

Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!

Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.

Source: The Pink Panther Strikes Again

Quote of the Day (2012-12-11)

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Quote of the Day (2012-12-08)

Jim Hacker: "Bernard, how did Sir Humphrey know I was with Dr. Cartwright?"

Bernard Woolley: "God moves in a mysterious way."

Jim Hacker: "Let me make one thing perfectly clear: Humphrey is not God, okay."

Bernard Woolley: "Will you tell him or shall I?"

Jim Hacker: "Tell me how he knew where I was."

Bernard Woolley: "Well, confidentially Minister, everything you tell me is in complete confidence, so equally, and I am sure you appreciate this, and by appreciate I don't actually mean appreciate, I mean understand, that everything Sir Humphrey tells me is also in complete confidence, as indeed everything I tell you is in complete confidence, and for that matter everything I tell Sir Humphrey is in complete confidence."

Jim Hacker: "So?"

Bernard Woolley: "So in complete confidence, I am confident that you understand that for me to keep Sir Humphrey's confidence and your confidence, means that conversations between him and me must be completely confidential, as confidential in fact as conversations between you and me are completely confidential."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-12-07)

Ralph: [to Alice] Let's get one thing straight right now, right here and now: a man's home is just like his ship. And I am the captain of this ship, that's what I am, you understand. You're nothing but a lowly, third-class seaman. That's all you are. Your duties are to get the mess, swab the deck and see that the captain feels good. That's all you have to do. Remember, I'm the captain and you're just a third-class seaman.

[He notices that Alice is leaving and he stops her]

Ralph: Where are you going?

Alice: Seaman Kramden, third class, is retiring to the poop deck until this big wind blows over.

[leaves the room]

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2012-12-04)

Narrator: Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2012-12-03)

Cmdr. Susan Ivanova: God, I hate this part. I'm always afraid I've broken something.

Michael Garabaldi: It'll be fine. I've done this before.

[the computer restarts]

Michael Garabaldi: Ah, Told ya. Computer

[pause]

Michael Garabaldi: Computer?

Sparky the Computer: Hey, what do you want?

Michael Garabaldi: Run diagnostics.

Sparky the Computer: What, you got a broken arm or something? I got a station to run here!

Cmdr. Susan Ivanova: Computer.

Sparky the Computer: I know, do a diagnostic. So, maybe Level 42 doesn't get its quota of oxygen today because I'm distracted, but if it makes you happy!

Michael Garabaldi: Stop!

Cmdr. Susan Ivanova: Garabaldi?

Michael Garabaldi: I just remembered, they tried to install Artificial Intelligence subroutines when the station went operational. They shut it down right away because it didn't work right. Must have come back on-line when the system re-booted.

Cmdr. Susan Ivanova: Great! How do we shut it down?

Sparky the Computer: I heard that! Are you two easily offended, or what?

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2012-12-02)

H.I.: And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2012-12-01)

Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?

Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain.

[pause]

Inigo Montoya: No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.

Westley: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.

Fezzik: You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.

Westley: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?

Inigo Montoya: There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.

Westley: And our assets?

Inigo Montoya: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.

Source: The Princess Bride